Guest post by Ari
Echoes of you…
The other day as I was walking home from work I “saw” you my son. You were in front of me by half a block but I could see clearly the backpack on your back, your hoodie over your head, your slouchy jeans. I walked and watched the young boy in front of me, he got to the corner and turned going the opposite way that I would be walking. Even so, I kept looking over my shoulder until he finally disappeared from view.
On another day I again “saw” you my son. I was walking the indoor track above the gym, and young teens were playing basketball below. One, in particular, caught my eyes and I kept staring as I walked around and around. He had on those work out shorts you liked, his longish hair in need of a haircut falling into his eyes as he ran back and forth on the court, his cocky smile so much like yours. My hour-long walk ended and I left, watching him through the glass, feeling forlorn and sad to leave him behind.
Still another time I “saw” you my son, this time in the laughing face of your little nephew as he showed me a card trick and laughed at my amazement. His sweet face so much like yours!
There are many echoes of my son, almost 6 years after his passing. Some make me sad, others brighten my day, all remind me that although he is no longer here for me to hold and to kiss, I can still “see” him if I choose to if I allow my heart to be open if I continue to hold his memory close. He continues to give me moments of deep joy and also moments of deep sorrow. Intertwined experiences that I would not want to give up because it is all I have left of him. These echoes of him will have to do for now… until I am again reunited with my boy someday.
Find your own echoes, embrace them and let them carry you through!