When we have a broken heart we are well aware that we are missing the one we love.

Part of this grief is saying goodbye to our expectations.

If you had asked me prior to my so Mike’s death where I expected each of my boys to live when they were adults, I had some pretty specific expectations.

I was sure, absolutely sure that my eldest would go into the military and then settle somewhere else. Which is what he did.

Regarding my middle son, I felt convinced that he would travel the world, and settle down far away. Most of that has been true, he has traveled extensively and lived quite far away for a long time. He now lives much nearer.

And then there’s Mike, our youngest son. For some reason I had it in my head, and it was quite firmly planted there, that he would always live near to my husband and me. For some reason, this expanded quite a lot in my imagination, I was pretty sure he would marry either a nurse or teacher, she would have a great sense of hum and patience and they would always be in our lives in a very active way.

I fully expected that all of my sons would outlive both me and my husband. I expected so much, and it’s now changed.

There is still opportunity for my expectations regarding my two eldest sons to be edited, if you will. To change and evolve. However, I have had to say good-bye entirely to what my expectations were for Mike. Wowzer! This was not easy or fast. Like most aspects of grief and grieving, it’s been a process.

What expectations are you mourning?

I encourage you to give yourself grace and allow the opportunity to become aware of what you expected to unfold as well as to acknowledge that things are different. Very different.

One step at a time, we walk this path, through grief and into healing.


When you are ready to begin your healing journey, reach out to Sandy for your complimentary consultation. Together, we walk through grief, into healing.

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